The Worst Honeymoon
by FairyNiamh
Summary: Kirk has the worst honeymoon ever.  M/M pairing *There be crack inside*


Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek in any way shape or form and make nothing from this ficlet.  
A/N:A Special Thanks to drivven who beta'd. Written in response to a challenge over at the st_xi_kink_meme.

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"You know," Kirk observed, "This is technically my honeymoon. The first day of my honeymoon, in fact. I am supposed to be naked and not necessarily in bed with my brand new husband. Someone explain to me why I am not naked with my husband right now."

Yes he was a bit sharp with his crew. No he didn't give a flying fuck about their feelings. No he didn't care that his best friend was muttering; "Thanks for the visual jack-ass."

What he did care about was what he and Spock had been about to do back in his comfortable cabin. Damn it all to hell he wanted to be naked and he wanted to be naked with Spock, like RIGHT NOW!

"Sir we have a priority one transmission coming in from Starfleet as well as New Vulcan," Uhura calmly explained.

"Please transfer the call from New Vulcan to ready room 1," he said calmly while walking into the room. He punched the appropriate button and was somewhat taken back when his father-in-law's face appeared.

"How may I help you Ambassador?" he asked as politely as he could.

"I hope I have not detained you from anything important Captain. However an unusual event has taken place," Sarek said almost serenely. Kirk didn't know what was fixing to happen but whatever it was sent cold chills up his spine.

"It's quite all right sir. Tell me about this event," Kirk asked while doing his best not to wince.

"It has been brought to my attention that you and my son have wed without the proper formalities being met."

"Yes sir. Spock and I have indeed gotten married, but everything is proper I assure you. We went through the pre-marital counseling, obtained a proper marriage license, and stood in front of a judge to swear oaths of fealty and faithfulness."

"Yes, I have heard of the Terran bonding ceremony. However that is not recognized by the people of Vulcan," Sarek informed him empirically.

"What do you require of me?" Kirk said with a sigh. If it wasn't one thing it was another.

"I require that you and my son come straight here so that a proper bonding may take place," the older man said with an arched eyebrow.

"Yes sir. I will get clearance to to divert to New Vulcan as soon as possible." Kirk said in a somewhat defeated tone.

"You will arrive in one week. That is when the bonding is scheduled to occur. Sarek out."

"I wonder how Spock will take this newest turn of events," Kirk muttered to himself while he headed back to the bridge.

"Captain should I put Starfleet through to the ready room as well?"

"No patch them through here," Kirk said with a sigh as he sat heavily in his chair.

"Congratulations Son," a happy faced Pike said. He had never wanted to punch the man more than he did right now.

"Permission to divert the Enterprise to New Vulcan sir," he said without acknowledging the chipper congratulations he had just received.

"Why do you need to go to new Vulcan?" the admiral asked with a look of confusion.

"It seems that Vulcan's do not recognize our marriage. Since that means my husband is still up for grabs there I would like to fully seal the deal."

"Ah, so that's why the Ambassador asked about your current location. So when is the wedding?"

"We have a week to get there."

"Then you better make haste. I'll see you on New Vulcan since at least the Ambassador was kind enough to invite me to the wedding. You should be ashamed of yourself trying to keep an important day like that secret. Pike out."

"Unless there is anything else, I think I should go tell my husband of the newest events," Kirk said through gritted teeth while heading to the turbo lift. Really could this day get any worse?

When he arrived at his quarters and explained the situation, between kisses, he was shocked out of his skull when Spock stood stiffly and got dressed.

"Just where do you think you're going mister?" Kirk asked his husband with wide eyes.

"You said we are to arrive at our nuptials in a week. Therefore I must retire to my room and begin meditation."

"But this _is_ your room! Remember you moved in not even an hour after we said 'I do'?" he asked in pure panic.

"I do indeed T'hy'la. However the likely hood of remaining chaste before our bonding reduces to a twelve point two five percent should I remain within our room."

"Wait... did you just say? _CHASTE_?" the blond asked with a squeak.

"Yes Captain. We must remain chaste until after our bonding."

"But we just got MARRIED!"

"I am sorry, but it is our way. I look forward to continuing our previous actions after our bonding. Farewell," Spock said before exiting the room.

Kirk didn't know whether to laugh, cry, scream, or just beat the hell out of something. The one thing he did know was that this could be labeled as the worst honeymoon ever!

~Fin


End file.
